This is the worst beer I’ve ever had, and that includes a ton of warm Busch Light I stole from Paul Darryl’s keg party that I ‘uninvitedly’ sneaked into only to fill several recently emptied 3 liter bottles of Kroger brand grape soda when I was 15 years old. I stashed them under my backyard deck for a week so I could host a sleepover where myself and some friends of mine could all walk to Taco Bell drunk. Yeah, this shit is worse than that. (It was a pretty fun night by the way).
My passion for smoke allowed me to overlook my ambivalence for ciders, and my hatred for pumpkin beers for this review, but I cannot overlook my standards. Some tastes I pulled out include apple and smoke, but not really much pumpkin at all. The smell reminds me of some mash I made on my kitchen floor with a 5 gal bucket, sugar, cornmeal, water, and bread yeast (testing out an old family recipe). Do I need to mention how unappetizing those mash smells are? Also, this cider is completely flat, void of all carbonation. Then about 20 minutes passed and I realized that I hadn’t taken any more sips. My subconscious hated it so much that it tricked my body into forgetting that I was reviewing a beer and let is sit on the table undisturbed. When I remembered that I was working on something, I reached out and couldn’t bring myself to take another sip. I poured out the rest. And another thing, there is silt in this! For shame Tieton.
|Brewer||Tieton Cider Works|
|Beer Name||Smoked Pumpkin Cider|
|Brewer’s Description||An earthy, nuanced cider filled with tannins and acid and smoked over apple wood – the same wood that produced the apples – which gives it a light sweetness. The earthiness of the pumpkin is your first experience, followed by a light smoke and finishing with the acid of the cider.|
|Food Pairings||Pork, sausage, BLT, soup, squash, kale, bacon|
|Brewer Location||Tieton, WA|
|Alcohol content by volume||6.9%|
|IBU (International Bitterness Units)||?|
|Beer opacity rate 1 – 7 (light – dark)||1|
|Smell smoke? 1 – 7 (No – George Burns)||1.5|
|Sausage detection? Y or N||N|
|Smokepower taste: 1 – 7 Smokestacks||1|
|Overall Happiness: 1 – 7 (low – high)||1|
Tieton cider doesn’t works @: